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[ December 11th, 2007 | 9:27pm ] |
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mood |
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 I am in love. |
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music |
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Bright Eyes...who else? |
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I, Shannon Michelle Rogan, feel like a twleve year old.
I have been engaged for 3 weeks and I've never felt so immature.
But I'm in love, and I know this is right.
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| I've never... |
[ November 24th, 2007 | 3:54pm ] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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music |
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Incubus |
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I've never felt so young and so helpless. I hate this place. I hate living in this house. I feel like everytime I open my mouth it gets me in trouble. Nothing I ever do is good enough. I'm working my ass off to please everyone around me and no one can open their eyes to see that and forgive me for not always being the 'best' daughter or the 'best' friend or the best anything. I'm so sick of fucking trying. It's times like this I wish I had tried harder to kill myself, its times like this I wonder if I should have just stayed and wasted away with that sorry excuse for a mother. Its times like this I feel liked I would do anything to get out...anything. I know if I moved out I'd have to pay for everything. I'd have to buy a new car, or buy mine from my parents, I'd have to pay for rent and bills, and tuition and books. But at this point, I don't give a fuck. I want out of here as soon as possible. I love my parents to death. I need out though. I can't live in a place where no matter what I do or what I say, I'm challenged. I try to do something nice and everyone thinks I'm doing it for some rediculous reason. I can't say anything without it being taken litterally. I'm kept on leash with the stupidest things, but then let to do what I want on others. I'm honestly trying so hard to make all of you happy. Fuck you though. I'm sick of no one understanding I'm working harder for everyone else than myself. I don't even give a fuck about myself anymore. Its not what makes me happy. Its what make the rest of you happy. But its a big deal if I try to say or do one thing that makes me happy but upsets someone elses plans. I'm done with this. Heres some advice for you guys. I'm working my ass of for you. I'm trying to make everyone happy. I'm sorry I'm not the best freind, I'm sorry I'm not the best daughter, I'm sorry I'm not the best anything. But you all need to stop thinking you're the only god damn person that matters in my life. So start understanding that there are people in your life that worry more about pleasing others than themselves. They want you and all the other thousands of people in their life to be happy. Don't be selfish and think you should be number one. I'm so over this. Its time to fucking grow up and take responsibility. I'm donr caring about the rest of youf feelings. Its time I look out for my own. I shouldn't give a fuck who I hurt in the process.
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| Here I am ladies and gentlemen... |
[ November 20th, 2007 | 6:15am ] |
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mood |
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 Hardcore |
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music |
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Norma Jean |
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Shannon Michelle Rogan
I've been going through so many changes within the past few months. I feel like a totally new person. I look in the mirror sometimes and wonder who's staring back at me. But that isn't necessarily a bad thing. I think I've grown a lot in this time but I think I've also changed in some ways for the worse.
I've been dating a guy for 3 months now. We all know thats not a very long time at all. Most peoples relationships are still brand new after a simple 3 months. Especially any mature relationship. But this feels very different. I feel like I've known Nick forever and I'd do anything in the world for him. Yeah, yeah, I know you're all saying "But Shannon, don't we all feel that way when we're in a relationship? Don't we all think we can spend the rest of our lives with the new boyfriend or girlfriend?" Yes, I know. We've all said that about a few of our past 'significant others'. But I know this feeling differs from any I've had in the past. I feel so much emotion, and so much attachment to Nick sometimes that I just don't know a constructive way to express it.
Then there are other times when I just want to be alone. I feel like its all too much. I can't handle such a serious relationship and commitment. I'm 19 years old and I already have a ring on my finger and a guy who wants to move in together.
Then there is Sean. Ah yes. The exact replica of me, only male. He's amazing and I have no idea how I could attract such an outstanding guy. I've cheated on Nick with him and I don't feel bad at all. I should if I care so much right? I just have so much fun with him and we just get along so well. Its almost like we're soul mates or something.
Losing your virginity to a guy really changes everything. Nick and I 'did the deed' one month after we started dating. I think thats way too soon and I can't believe I did it. But it's a little late to stop now, right? I've also almost had sex with Sean...not a good idea, but like I said. I don't feel bad about it at all. I was nervous, I wasn't scared. Everything just came so naturally. I felt like he would accept me just as I was. Which I also know Nick does. They're both so understanding.
There is no way in hell I'd ever be able to compare the two. They are both totally different people who bring out the best in me. I guess you could say I love both of them. Being torn between two people who both make you feel like the light of their life is hard. I really wish I had better timing with all of this. I want to be with both of them and it scares me to think that I'll lose either of them, possibly both.
This is just the guy part...there is more to say...another day.
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[ November 19th, 2007 | 12:26pm ] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
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music |
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Bright Eyes |
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Hello LJ. It's bee a while. Again.
I have s much to say and I have no idea where to start.
I've become a much different person in the past few months. I started this fall at Forsyth Tech because I'm not stable enough to handel a REAL college. I have a boyfriend and I'm pre-maturely enganged. I've echested on my boyfriend with a guy who is my equal and I don't feelbad about it at all. I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend and I love him dearly. HOWEVER. This other boy has swept me off my feet and yes...I've almost had sex with him. They're both rediculously important to me. And I have no remorse for anything I've done wrong here...
Im not the person I used to be.
There will be a much longer entry to come...this is a mere preview.
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| Our First Fight |
[ February 16th, 2007 | 1:02pm ] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Just Left |
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So Aiden and I got in our first arguementesque thing yesterday. It was terrible.
Heres a breakdown of the conversation
Shannon: Aiden, do you think our relationship is wierd?
Aiden: Well, kind of, but not really. Why?
Shannon: Well, my friend Laura and some of my other friends think it's wierd that we've never met and so on.
Aiden: Well if you don't want to be in a relationship with me then I understand.
Shannon: Now hold on a minute, I never said that. [I said this jokingly.]
Aiden: Well what I'm telling you is that if you think our relationship is wird then we don't need to be in a relationship at all.
Shannon: [My eyes filled with tears] I was just asking what you thought, I don't think it's wierd.
Aiden: Well if you do then you need to tell me before I get too attached to you.
Shannon: I don't think that. I don't want to lose you.
Aiden: Okay
I then proceeded to appologize for bringing that topic up and that I didn't mean for it to go the way it did. He has a lot on his plate right now and me dishing out that wasn't a smart move. I was really glad to hear that he doesn't think it's wierd, but I'm scared that I may have hurt his feelings or made it to where he doesn't trust me. It was so good to talk to him. I'm just affraid I've ruined things.
...OH BOTHER...
Another thing that happened yesterday was the surprising visit I got from one MICHAEL JOYCE
He brought me candy and was being really sweet and cute. It was nice.
I don't really know what else to say.
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| Valentines Day |
[ February 14th, 2007 | 1:34pm ] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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Dear Valentine's Day,
I hate you. I think you are the most pointless holiday in the enitre history of mankind. The only reason you're even still around is because everyone has their heads stuck up the economy's ass. People go galavanting around acting like its the end of the world and no one loves them if they don't get gifts on your day. People spend un-Godly amounts of money on gifts that, if they are going to be given, should be given at random to make them more special. Everyone feels obligated to celebrate you! I hope you're happy. Everytime you come around I have to deal with the PAINFUL reminder that I'm single. I hate you. I hate you. YES I HATE YOU.
Shannon
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[ February 9th, 2007 | 1:30pm ] |
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mood |
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contemplative |
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music |
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My peers |
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I am a high school senior.
I don't think I really act like one. I feel like this whole year I've avoided taking advantage of everything that I'm going to miss out on after I graduate. I don't feel like I'm mature enough to be this old, and graduating from high school. I'm nowhere near being as intelligent as I wanted to be, I'm not intelectual at all. I'm always considered the dumb one in the class who opens her mouth with out thinking about what she's going to say and then I become the laughing stock of the class.
LIKE TODAY!
In my digital media class at CC I'm considered the gullible girl who hinds her smarts. I AM VERY SMART...ha
Anyway...This boy decided to convince the class to play a prank on me. They made me think that to balance out the scene they were "shooting" they needed me to sit on the end of the home-made couch. So I sit down and I think my friend Brandon starts pushing the chair BUT HE'S NOT: Nick is pushing the chair OFF THE GROUND! I flipped the fuck out.
I mean shit like that all the time.
I don't know. I guess I just walk right into it. I made myself this way. I make myself out to be younger than I am without meaning to.
Damn...I have to go. MATH IS LAME!
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| This Distance Lies Between Us |
[ January 31st, 2007 | 1:27pm ] |
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So last night was quite the night.
I go home to find that I have a missed call and a text message from none other than...
...MICHAEL JOYCE!...
[I feel like I'm writting a book.]
Well he wanted to know what I was doing. I knew what he wanted and I decided to say that I was busy. I can't go out on school nights anyway.
Things have been rocky between us as of late. Despite the fact that we are suppose to be best friends, we haven't really talk or hung out in almost two weeks. I can't say that I'm happy about that. I miss him. He's fun to be with. But I just haven't been feeling like he really wants me around. I don't know. Maybe its just me...then again, maybe not.
Anyway, he ended up not really talking to me until I sent him a text message after I colored my hair. Then we ended up talking on the phone for a while. I told him about Aiden and I couldn't tell if he was seriously upset about it, or he just wanted to get to me. ONCE AGAIN I ended up saying something stupid without thinking and he got mad and hung up on me. After I finally convinced him to talk to me he started talking about a subject I'm very sensative about. I won't go into it, but it got me thinking about how I would feel if anything ever happened to him. I got a little upset. Things would be so different if he weren't in my life. I would miss him a lot. I mean its bad enough when we just don't talk, but he's still up the road...If he weren't there at all, I'd FLIP MY SHIT. It would be awful.
I don't know.
I do know that Aiden and I are doing very well. I've gotten to talk to him the past three days. I wish he were actually in North Carolina. I can't wait until he comes home.
Well, I guess class actually might be starting soon.
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[ January 30th, 2007 | 1:41pm ] |
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mood |
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loved |
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music |
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Daphne love derby |
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I've decided that Aiden Micheal Young is the best thing to EVER happen to me.
I'm in mild love with a boy that is [as of right now] 2 hundred miles away.
Hmm! Sounds bad?...
...Yeah
I DONT CARE.
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| Wow |
[ January 19th, 2007 | 1:23pm ] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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Plain White T's |
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So I haven't posted on here in so flippin' long.
I have so much to say, yet at the same time, nothing at all.
Nothing that really matters. I'm happy at the moment. I just wish somethings would change, but nothing major.
I hope everyone is doing okay.
I might actually get back into using this.
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| And what would you say if I aksed you not to go? |
[ March 19th, 2006 | 10:04am ] |
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mood |
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 giddy |
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music |
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Matchbook Romance |
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So I have never been so happy in my entire life...Today was SO amazing...
I got a prom dress today [the first one I tried on...=)], I got shoes [also the first ones I tried on] and some other things...
Tonight was the best night of my life...Michael Joyce is my hero...forever...
Smiling is one thing I'll be doing for a REALLY long time...
So happy...
I won't go into detail because I'm really not sure if I'm suppose to...but I see something very good coming from all of this...
good night guys...=)
<3
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| When you're eyes met mine, I felt that spark... |
[ March 2nd, 2006 | 9:47pm ] |
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mood |
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content |
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music |
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The Dragonflies |
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So,
Is it pathetic when you get beat up by two kids that are 11 years your junior? 'Cause guess what, I totally did...my two neighbors ganged up on me when I was getting the mail...if that litle girl had hit me an inch lower, I would have been on the ground...
it was sad...
Anyway, in other news...I made eye contact with "Nathan" today...YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...!
For those of you who don't know about this "Nathan"...GOOD...we're ganna keep it that way...
but he's only like the guy I saw and was like "Holy CRAP!...he's HOT!",,,
sadly after making eye contact I had to totally embarass myself by playing frisbee...oh my God...I can't believe I played freakin' FRISBEE...HAHAHAAHA! I'm a LOSER!!!! hahaha!!!
Anyway...
Breakfast with Laura this morning was so awesome! I think it should become a ritual or something.
Today was pretty boring other than that...
The weather was good...people were in good moods...today was good...
I'm good...=)
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| I want you to hold my hand when I get scared and walk with me through the dark |
[ March 1st, 2006 | 4:44pm ] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
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music |
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The Postal Service |
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So I'm feeling a little malnourished...
I haven't eatten much today...I came home early because I was feeling so weak...It was the strangest feeling, I felt like I was walking with stalks of Jello for legs and my head felt like it was swimming...I must admit, it was quite scary...Not scary like "OMG Im freaking EPILEPTIC!!"...Scary like "Holy crap, was that a bear? No no, that was Ms. Hester...OH MY GOD! Is that and airplane?!...No, thats just my hand...*Geez Shannon, you're such a loser!*" <=thats totally what its like...
Not much happened today, well there was a fight in art, unless I dreamed that...no no...it really happened...
If you ask me, I think little Miss Emily Ray deserved to get the snot beat out of her, maybe it'll teach her not to be such a jerkface...
I came home and took I guess what you'd call a nap...I barely slept though...too much on my mind.
I need to start looking up information for my Chemistry project. I don't have much homework so I think thats what I'll be doing tonight. To be honest, I think this project is actually going to be interesting, its on the chemistry of photography. Very exciting to me...just because thats what I want to do with my life...and my parents are actually happy with that. I thought they would tell me that being a photographer is too far fetched but Melanie is actually the one who found the program at Forsyth Tech I'm hoping to enter into. I had always planned on going to school to become a teacher ans yeah, that doesn't sound like a bad job, but I would much rather do something with my semi-talent than teach a bunch of kids how to count to ten and tie their shoes...not that that doesn't sound like a nice thing to do [When I realize I'm not married and 40!]...
I think I'll die alone only not so alone because I'll have a bunch of cats and a pet rock named Herman...Yes...HERMAN! Don't laugh! I'll love Herman as if he were a real pet...maybe...Or maybe I'll just sit him outside to weather with Tom the lawn nomb...
I don't know where I come up with this crap...
Okay...so prom is coming up in like 2 months, yeah I know its 2 months, but who am I ganna go with? We all know who I want to go with, but that won't be happening unless he realizes some things...I.e. I'M NUTS ABOUT HIM! and if he already knows that, he's an idiot for not doing anything about it...
I rule at life and I don't know why guys don't like me...all I can get is the fat chick from Wendy's that checked me out, and that girl from camp that asked me if I'd like to "party" with her and a few other girls...
SICK!
Oh yeah and wierd guys that don't even know me that freaking obsess over me and tell me they love me when I don't even know them...
GAH!
haha...how pathetic huh?
You'd think a girl like me would have found someone who doesn't just decide one day that he doesn't care about me anymore...I've had that happen what 2 times now?
I'll stop complaining...haha...
Good day over all though
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[ November 18th, 2005 | 5:22pm ] |
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mood |
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cheerful |
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music |
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The Southland--- |
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I'm living and loving with you just sitting. I miss you so much and the wounds won't stay shut, look at her and look at me, simply tell me what you see. I know I see the love of my life staring back at me...
I wrote that this morning...just 'cause I felt like it...I dunno what its for...it really isn't how I feel nor does it have anything to do with whats going on in my life like so many of you might think...I just wrote it...I like it though
I'm getting ready to go get gas and dinner and then go pick Naty up from work and have a little sleep over at her house. Tomorrow I have to work 8-4, but thsta okay because I hope I'm going to Laura's afterward. Then I work 11-7 on Sunday...
Thats my exciting weekend...
Ya'll should totally come see me at work...it would make me feel good...haha
<3!
[Stewie Baxter...hahaha LAURA!]
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| First day blues... |
[ August 25th, 2005 | 8:48pm ] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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Death Cab for Cutie - Movie Script Ending |
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The first day of school is always way too easy...
I wish it were always this way haha...Sadly we have to face up to the fact that its going to get harder and we're going to actually have to do work...
Man I'm too lazy for this...haha
But I guess over all the day was good...
A certain someone made me feel really worthless today. Ignoring me, and not speaking to me...But I'll get over that...today was weird anyway I suppose...
Tomorrow will be a better day...perhaps...
Later kids...
<3
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[ August 23rd, 2005 | 10:49pm ] |
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mood |
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crazy |
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music |
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Fall out boy--- |
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| To Ben... |
[ August 15th, 2005 | 10:15pm ] |
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mood |
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Ben makes me so FUCKING MAD! |
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music |
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Head Automatica - Beating Heart Baby |
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You make me irritated. I tried to be nice and be a friend to you but you just rub everything that happened between us in my face every chance you get. You did something so stupid and you try to make me feel like the idiot for it. Well I'm not going to do that. You deserve everything you get. I only wish I had realized that sooner. I don't know why I put up with all the things you put me through. I can't believe it took me so long to figure out that you were such a loser. I don't know what I've been trying to save. Obviously you don't care enough about me to take my feelings into consideration. I don't know if things are ever going to be okay between us. You honestly don't deserve someone like me giving you the time of day and I'm not going to sit here and let you walk all over me. You can have fun with your "little" friends. Like I said, I can see why none of your friends like you anymore. You've become a totally different person. And I hope your not happy with who you've become, because maybe that'll teach you a lesson. And if you don't see something wrong with what you're doing, then you're being more foolish than I thought. Its wrong and pretty selfish if you ask me. I still can't believe you're doing all of this. I honestly don't know what you're thinking. If our friendship is really that important to you [And I'm begining to think it's not considering all the ways you've hurt me in the past two months] you'll understand why I feel this way. I should have seen what was happening a long time ago. I should have known when you couldn't stop text messaging eachother or whatever you two were doing. I should have known that you would find someone else. Although it is unknown to all of us as to why you prefer this certain someone else. Its just sick! Deep down I always knew you wanted more from your relationship, but then I trusted you when you told me otherwise...
I don't think being sorry for it is good enough this time...
You can talk to me when you’ve grown up a little…
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| As of now... |
[ August 15th, 2005 | 3:43pm ] |
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mood |
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pissed off |
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music |
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Hot Hot Heat - Goodnight Goodnight |
] |
As of now, Benjamin Michael Key is enemy number one in the drama called my life. You see, this is why I just need friends that don't cause drama.
Here is the conversation Ben and I had a little while ago...be proud children, I spoke part of my mind...BIG step...
ThatPhotographer (2:16:46 PM): sounds...uhh...fun...haha
Gollum456 (2:17:31 PM): not really lol
ThatPhotographer (2:17:43 PM): I was kidding but whatever
Gollum456 (2:19:28 PM): i know
Gollum456 (2:19:33 PM): im not STUPID
Gollum456 (2:19:35 PM): lol
Gollum456 (2:19:35 PM): jk
Gollum456 (2:19:44 PM): tho sum would beg to differ
ThatPhotographer (2:19:45 PM): ...
ThatPhotographer (2:19:52 PM): haha
ThatPhotographer (2:19:54 PM): yep
ThatPhotographer (2:19:55 PM): jk
Gollum456 (2:20:17 PM): ...
Gollum456 (2:20:20 PM): ...
ThatPhotographer (2:20:33 PM): :-X
Gollum456 (2:20:58 PM): lol
Gollum456 (2:21:05 PM): wut does that thing mean
ThatPhotographer (2:21:32 PM): I think it means something to the affect of keeping your mouth shut...or at least thats how I use it...
Gollum456 (2:21:41 PM): oh
Gollum456 (2:21:45 PM): ill do that then
ThatPhotographer (2:21:51 PM): what?
Gollum456 (2:22:02 PM): keep my mouth shut
ThatPhotographer (2:22:18 PM): no I mean like the person that uses it is keeping their mouth shut...
Gollum456 is away at 2:22:22 PM.
ThatPhotographer (2:22:46 PM): you know you really are a jerk sometimes...
Auto response from Gollum456 (2:22:46 PM): keepin my mouth shut
ilu taylor <What the fuck is that?! Its been like a week and he loves her slutty ass!]
Gollum456 returned at 2:22:52 PM.
Gollum456 (2:24:23 PM): sorry
ThatPhotographer (2:24:28 PM): ...
Gollum456 (2:24:47 PM): i just had to do that
Gollum456 (2:24:51 PM): i was jp
ThatPhotographer (2:25:39 PM): Well I dunno, you just act like a jerk sometimes, I dunno if you know it or not but its pretty messed up. You weren't like that before.
Gollum456 (2:26:27 PM): i sorry
Gollum456 (2:26:33 PM): im*
ThatPhotographer (2:27:34 PM): Actually, I don't know, maybe you were like that before, perhaps I just didn't notice. Glad I notice now though...Sadly I think I see why you don't have all of your old friends. I dunno...This sounds mean, but I think you need to hear it.
ThatPhotographer (2:28:24 PM): Besides after all that crap you put me through I think I deserve to be able to speak my mind at least once
Gollum456 (2:28:30 PM): ok
Gollum456 (2:28:37 PM): say watever you want to
ThatPhotographer (2:28:55 PM): Not like you're paying attention anyway right?
Gollum456 (2:29:05 PM): im reading it
ThatPhotographer (2:29:40 PM): Still...it doesn't mean anything...I don't know if I want to waste my time...alothough I have already
Gollum456 (2:29:52 PM): yeah ok
Gollum456 (2:29:55 PM): then dont
ThatPhotographer (2:30:08 PM): Fine I won't
Gollum456 (2:32:56 PM):
Auto response from ThatPhotographer (2:32:56 PM): Nothing could ruin this good mood I'm in...Don't quite know what I'm doing, but you can call if you want!
<3
ThatPhotographer (2:33:17 PM): WTF?
Gollum456 (2:33:33 PM): dam i just wanted to read ur away message
ThatPhotographer (2:34:04 PM): geez...okay
Gollum456 (2:34:15 PM): ok
What a fricken jerk! I hate him sometimes! We went to the mall the other night and he was so different. He just didn't even seem like the same person. It was so awful. He doesn't understand that he is in the fucking wrong here, I'm not. I haven't done anything wrong. He's the one whos fucked up because he thinks its okay to be with a THIRTEEN YEAR OLD! What the fuck?! She is THIRTEEN!!!!!! How appealing can that be?! I mean, I just don't get it. He's got some serious problems if he would choose that over me. I mean, yeah, I'll admitt I'm not all that, but I'm sure as hell better than a 13 year old.
I don't like the new person he's become...
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[ August 11th, 2005 | 11:45am ] |
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mood |
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chipper |
] |
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music |
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Rilo Kiley--- |
] |
Hope you guys like the new layout...
<3
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| To my dearest Rachel... |
[ August 6th, 2005 | 1:36pm ] |
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mood |
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bouncy |
] |
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music |
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Bright Eyes--- |
] |
Heres to all our laughs and fun...
POND-SCUM!* Yeah dog, light my cig!* Smokin' the reefer at Chilis* I bet he thinks we're stalkin' him...First Sonic, now THIS!* Alge Schoogan Fartcakes*How my manager justin was flirting with Natalie* "I'm helping you straighten...* The crazy bowling shirt at Jonestown GoodWill* That hot green dress* "We have A LOT to talk about...[but not right now...]" haha* I'll be who I wanna be and she can just live with it!* People can be such BUTTFACES!!* That little 13 year old whore who stole my boyfriend and here brother is in Natalies Drivers Ed class..haha* Good make out spot that basement of yours...* The Jeepers Creepers road trip...haha...down in the BOONE DOCKS!!* That trip to the arch rival CVS and then figuring out that they ARE better than the almighty Eckerd...*Don't know where something is...ASK ROBERT! haha* Driving past Michaels house like 3 times and then finding out that he has a hobby of watching the day pass by his window...haha* Taking pictures of shrooms* Everytime we saw a pretty boy in another car: "Oh baby!! mmmhhmm!" haha*Checking certain things of certain other people for certain things from certain OTHER people...[NO ONE will figure out this one] * Well why don't we call someone to figure out how to get there?! Oh I know lets call Laura!* The gay guys that sat behind us at Chilis* all the cops that were out to get us* "What?!We both clean other peoples houses?! We're meant to be together!!!" * Your mom and how we could hear her sneeze on the videos* That yummy oreo cream pie and how you almost put the foil pan in the microwave =)* Dollywood and how Bens having a great time with her and her enormous knockers* The amazing William Dyer and how we played wild goose chase on the phone* "You just don't understand how I think!"...[reply] "Well say what you mean!" [haha]* Going to 3 different fast food joints for dinner...then Subway had to be THE ONE!* The guy that looked like the man from the Amanda show and how he smelled funny! haha* The guy that gave Natalie our cookies and how he was amazed by the "Track-a-bill"* "How about I say I'm on my way, and show up two hours late!?!?"--"Now that would be just plain mean...[laugh]"* "Why can't you just be ready when you say you'll be ready!?" haha* Michaels friends reaction when Natalie jumped out of the car screaming "HEY BABY!"* "Wow, you're sister seems like a bitch..." haha* Driving down Chris's road...see tree stump "SCREAM!!!!!!!" hahaha!*
We had a great time and I can't WAIT to do it again! I love you Rachel!
If I forgot some, forgive me, we'll put them ALL together later...=)
Call me whenever you want...<3!!!
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[ August 2nd, 2005 | 1:16am ] |
| [ |
mood |
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I'm a moron |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Killers--- |
] |
So its not enough to be socially inept in the first place but the people around you have to make things even more difficult by not understanding your inability to change things and/ or fix them. They give you advice that you take but then you screw everything up again like you always do and then you're right back to the failure that you were before only this time you dug yourself deeper because of the ignorance that comes pouring out every time you open your mouth…
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[ July 28th, 2005 | 11:23am ] |
| [ |
mood |
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giddy |
] |
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music |
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Dawsons Creek...haha |
] |
So I'm back in the dating world...I got asked out last night...HOW EFFING COOL IS THAT!?
Today might just be a good day...
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[ July 17th, 2005 | 8:07pm ] |
| [ |
mood |
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 better =) |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Coldplay--- |
] |
July 17, 2005 6:24 PM # Haha...
So work was work...no one came to see me, but thats okay, I didn't want to see any of you pathetic excuses for friends anyway. I was plenty busy sitting on my butt in the office listening to my manager complain about his tooth. I felt bad for the guy...he busted his tooth chewing peanuts...haha...it was sad...but funny...
Anyway...after that I went over to Naty's and we sat in the pool all of 5 seconds and then Jordan came and picked us up and we went to Wendy's. After that I pretty much just came home, took a shower and now here I am. My aunt and uncle are here [to all of you who know, yes, my crazy aunt Carol with all the cats...*sigh*] I guess I could go join their conversation...
Later...
Somebody better come see me at work today! Or I'll be sad! haha...
If any of you are bored, call my cell phone to make plans! I have no life as most of you know and I need something to do after work...I get off at 3...that leaves me all the way till like 11 to do stuff...but there is nothing to do...sigh...so thats why I need plans...haha, and I know you guys love me *wink wink*...NATY!!! You better be reading this...unless you're still grounded...
well I have to go get ready for work...
Later...
Today was hard...I was an emotional train wreck for most of it, and the part I wasn't was spent developing strangers pictures...haha...great way to avoid being sad huh?...
Chris and Rachel came and took me out for lunch on my break. Thank you guys so much, that made me feel a lot better! I love you both!
So if you didn't come see me at work today, you have another chance to redeem yourself tomorrow...haha...I work 11-3...be there or...or...just be there...humor me and make me feel better...
My parents and I just finished watching Hide and Seek. Thats the second movie I've seen this week with that little ten year old drug adict Dekota Fanning...haha...none the less both movies she has done fairly well in. Although she could never do better than that BABE she co-stared with in War of the Worlds...That kid was HOT! He was like...Anikin Skywalker HOT! Thanks should go to Ben for getting me started on both of them...haha...
Well...I guess maybe I should go...
Catch you guys later...
So maybe I don't rule at life, and maybe I can't stop feeling sorry for myself just yet...
Working today 1- 8:30...be there or be square!
<3
I
RULE
at
LIFE
...............................................
Who's cool?
ME!
...............................................
No more feeling sorry for myself...
Ohhhh yeeeaah...
...............................................
Thanks guys,
For everything...
I love ya'll
=)
Today wasn't so hot. I drove home from Jordan's around ten and cleaned my room and not so fun stuff like that for a while. I talked on the phone and online for a pretty good while too. Then I got in the shower...then I did a lot of thinking...But I'm still right back where I started...Thats not so good...
I have to work tomorrow. 1- 8:30 in photo. Ya'll should come see me. I might need cheering up...Thats a long day...
Well...now that I've wasted a whole entry for nothing, I guess I'll go think some more...
I took down all our pictures today. I cried, a lot...It was really hard to think about a future without him. But I guess over time I'll be able to move on. I took my ring off yesterday for the first time in like 6 months. I put it in a box along with all our pictures and stuff. I have all the notes he's writen me and that crazy sign he made me, and all the synonyms for cute...I think I'll just hold onto that stuff for now...Until I'm ready to move on...
anyway...later...
I've come to realize that I have the best friends in the world...thank you guys so much for everything guys...
So Ben and I are friends and I'm okay with that...
I went to Jordan's house last night, and that helped...
Well, I guess I should go...
Later...
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| Friends |
[ July 15th, 2005 | 11:35am ] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
dead |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Jimmy Eat World--- |
] |
I've come to realize that I have the best friends in the world...thank you guys so much for everything guys...
So Ben and I are friends and I'm okay with that...
I went to Jordan's house last night, and that helped...
Well, I guess I should go...
Later...
|
| Break up |
[ July 15th, 2005 | 11:33am ] |
So Ben and I are "taking a break" [When in reality, I know what that means...We're breaking up...] I'm not okay with that, but I'll deal with it. I will always love him and I think he knows that if for some reason he feels like he doesn't really want to break up, I would gladly welcome him back into my life. I won't forget the past 8 months, I'll look back on them and smile. I'll remember all the sweet things he said and all the cute things he did, all the dates we went on, and that cool trip to the mountains. Its hard to let go of someone that you love so much, but if we're meant to be, then everything will work out...if not, from what I hear, there are other "fish in the sea" [thats the queerest cliche I've ever heard!] Anyway...
If you read this Ben, I want you to know that I'll always love you and that I'm not angry because of this, I know if we're meant to be then things will work out. Until they work out, I'll let you have your space. I love you...
Later guys...
<3
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toxictears88's journal